1. |
Custom Croutons
02:50
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Make your own custom croutons
Make your own custom croutons (yeah) woo
First you're gonna need a little bread. I prefer to use at least two kinds.
Cut the bread into little squares. Friend, you've got yourself some baby croutons there.
Toss the croots in some olive oil or whatever oil you desire.
Time to show your artistic side. Season those babies with whatever you like like...
Make your own custom croutons
Make your own custom croutons
Pop those fuckers in the toaster oven for five minutes at 375.
Flip em over and toast em til they're golden brown.
We hope you have a pleasant stay in Crouton Town.
Now you've made custom croutons. Made your own god damn custom croutons.
It’s fun, it's easy, and a great way to use old bread. I meant to mention it should be older bread.
So you've chosen to go down this path.
You can never go back to your old life.
Those five minutes at 375 are the only time I ever feel remotely alive.
If you make at least two croutons could you please send one to me?
I'll put it in my little crouton case that was formerly an ice cube tray.
I guess that you could put them in a salad. Personally I've never eaten a salad. I give them names and pretend they're my friends and we're all going out to see a movie later
Make your own custom croutons. Make the best decision of your life.
You’ll never walk alone again with a crunchy carbohydrate friend.
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2. |
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How do you live with yourself?
Got your own circle in hell
I’m not hyperbolizing
I just want to enjoy this thing
Little voice you gotta go
It doesn’t seem that long ago
I was young, dumb, and full of fun
Now that I’m old, cold, and covered in mold
Everything’s a hassle to me now
Everyone’s an asshole to me now
I don’t want you making that sound
I don’t want you banging around
If you’re going to be there I’m gonna move or maybe I’ll just sit here and stew
Maybe you don’t understand that you are so loud
Understand I’m not messing around
When I turn around and choke you out
During Watchmen in the scene where they fuck to Leonard Cohen
Little voice you gotta go
Cuz I’m about to explode
I used to be young, dumb, and full of fun
Now that I’m old, cold, and covered in mold
Everything’s a hassle to me now
Everyone’s an asshole to me now
I don’t want you making that sound
I don’t want you banging around
If you’re going to be there I’m gonna lose my frickin mind. AAAHHH
STOP crinkling that plastic bag around. Just take the thing out of the bag and put the bag on the ground.
Show some respect, show some restraint
MST3000 you ain’t.
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3. |
Blackout Blues
01:58
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Got something lost in my mind
Can’t scratch an itch I can’t find in this broken brain of mine
Too many drinks last night
Time traveled to the morning light
Blacking out and waking up to a text that says to clean all this puke up
Nothing gained removing my brain
Strange compulsion, self-destruction
Hang on to your ego
Hang on to your ego because your id’s a total asshole
It’s not me but its no one else
Nobody to blame but myself
Turned into the other dude
Bad hangover, deja vu’d
Lost control and now I’m screwed
Don’t know but I know that it’s not good
I’m afraid to know what I did
Got Shades tattooed on my eyelids
Scared to see all these outgoing calls
Hang on to your ego
Hang on to your ego because your id’s a total asshole
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4. |
Carl Arm
00:34
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5. |
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Everybody’s telling me to get back in the game
But I’m just like, “I don’t feel like it. I got my wittle feelings hurt”
(I’m sensitive)
You’re never gonna see me on a stage again
You’ll never see my stupid fucking face again
You’ll never hear me on a studio recording
With Brian, Daryl, Taylor, and Ben on the board thing
Everybody’s begging me to get back in the game
They’re all just like, “We really need you Tone”
Alright fine, you can have one guitar solo. (here we go)
Never gonna make another mp3
That music stuff just ain’t for me
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6. |
Dirty Jobs
02:22
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Did you know that the guy from Dirty Jobs has a Mike Rowe penis?
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7. |
Inauguration Song
02:44
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I am not going to drain the swamp you dopes
I'm not going to build the wall amigo
I'm not going to keep all the Muslims out
and I'm not even going to lock her up
and there's nothing you can do folks, nothing you can do
You fell for my hashtags and Russian fake news
Nothing you can do folks, nothing you can do
although the second amendment people, maybe there is, I don't know.
I'm actually the most trustworthy guy you'll ever meet, believe me
and I promise you this
I'm going to make America great again for everyone*
No puppet no puppet no puppet..
You're the puppet
Check out sex tape
I'm saving all these jobs from being outsourced to another nation
Not my fault if you lose them all in a couple years to automation
Nothing you can do folks, nothing you can do
You bet all your chips on a bogus dude
Nothing you can do folks, nothing you can do
although the second amendment people, maybe there is, I don't know
I'm going to make America great again for everyone*
*in the top 1%
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8. |
Pre-Good Guy
00:44
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Sometimes I feel like I don't have a podcast
Sometimes I feel like I only listen
to these NPR broadcasts
Talk of the Nation
All Things Considered I'm a pretty good guy.
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9. |
Pretty Good Guy
02:13
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I’m not gonna stab you to death
I’m not gonna have offensive breath
I just wanna split a bottle of wine with you
I’m a good guy
I’m a pretty good guy
I file my taxes on time
Although my dad helps a lot with that stuff
I’m full of interesting info
Women and woman are only pronounced different at the O
But the A and the E sound the same
Well I thought it was interesting
I don’t wanna be disrespected
I don’t wanna have my dick bisected
I just wanna talk to you about me
I’m a good guy
I’m a pretty good guy
I go to church every day
The church of Andrew WK
And I only listen to one band…
I don’t ask for directions
I don’t stop at intersections
I just got out of a really bad car accident
I don’t wanna run a marathon
I don’t wanna run in general
I just wanna run for mayor of I don’t give a fuck city
I’m a good guy
I’m an okay guy
And my twitter profile
Is @WokeAlly69
I’m so lonely!
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10. |
Fried Cheese
00:47
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Queso Frito
Asiago Frico
Haloumi Saganaki
You can pan fry any kind of cheese, yeah
Ooh baby baby never made another treat so tasty, no
Gonna put it in a taco, taco, taco notice.
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11. |
Grass
02:52
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12. |
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Shades McCool San Diego, California
Hi everybody. Welcome to my bandcamp.
Shades McCool recommends:
I WAS YOUNG, IT WAS DARK
by Modern Rifles
These guys kick butt
go to album
Soft Pipes, Play On (LP)
by Fever Sleeves
Obscure San Diegan math pop
go to albumIf you like Shades McCool, you may also like:
Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John Robins
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
go to album
Taylor Ham, Egg, And Cheese
by Chris Gethard
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone.
go to album
In A Time Of Trouble A Wild Exultation
by Jaye Bartell
A stunning and sparse follow-up to last year's "Light Enough" from Brooklyn songwriter Jaye Bartell.
go to album
